


Hold Me Down

by the100thfan



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Multi, NO ONE IS SUFFERING, clexa college au, jasper has no manpain, jonty is real sort of, linctavia is sailing, my baby raven isn't suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:02:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the100thfan/pseuds/the100thfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College, where priorities tend to be misplaced, emotions run wild and meals are energy drinks and sandwiches. Everybody goes crazy in college and Clarke is no exception. With all-nighters, due reports, homework, parties, weird friends and nightmares in the form of professors, the last thing Clarke needs is that one girl who can make her life even crazier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Debt

**Author's Note:**

> (Also called The Sandwich Debt in FF.net) I know stupid name but you'll get why if you read.

Part 1: The Debt

 

“Mmmmm!” I inhaled the sweet smell of the delicious feast before me, well a feast packed into one mouth-watering sandwich. I raised the tray with the plate containing the sandwich up to eye level; I looked at the proud creation of the kitchen employees, one in particular that I bribed to make my feast-sandwich for me. She owed me one, and this was the perfect favor to pull.

The hands on my shoulder snapped me from my rapt admiration of the great sandwich, Jasper was leading me to our table. I looked up at him and with wide eyes and a grin and he looked down at me and furrowed his brow.            
  
“Don’t give me that look you just gave your sandwich Clarke, I feel like you’re gonna eat me after you finish that…or if Raven somehow screwed up the order and God forbid put something in there not to your liking and your stomach still needs something to fill it.” His voice got low and his one eye widened.

“Pfft, for your sake let’s hope this sandwich IS to my liking.” I gave him a broad smile again and wiggled my eyebrows. We both laughed but only Jasper’s was short and quiet and ended with him raising his eyebrows again.

I could always give him the creeps even though the tip of my head barely reaches his chin and body size-wise, I had a little more meat on my bones; Jasper makes for a really enjoyable teasing target. My eyes long for the splendid sight of my feast-sandwich and I try to not to just wolf it down right then and there, _well, that’s not very lady-like,Clarke but then who gives a shit. Who wants to be a “lady” anyway?_ Besides we were nearing our table already and Jasper called out to Monty, eyes glued to his laptop, books and a couple of notebooks scattered on our table, no doubt catching up on homework or hacking into something somewhere, just regular Monty stuff.

“Yo, Monty!” Jasper called again to catch his best friend’s attention. When he failed to pry Monty’s eyes from his laptop screen, he pushed past me to go ahead to the table. His shoulders hit mine and in turn jerked my arm sideways. _Gahhh My sandwich!!_ The plate slid to the edge of the tray and just before it could have completely flown off the tray, I raised the tray to stop the motion then I froze, to keep the plate in its place. _Whooh! Nice save if I do say so myself._

“Shit! Jasper!” I shouted at his back. He turned to me and held up his hands. “Oooh, sorry Clarke!” He chuckled and turned again, toward our table.

_Jerk._ I composed myself and let out a long sigh. _That was close, too close._ I took a careful step to the left and repositioned the plate to the center of the tray, where it was safe. As I took my step forward to the two boys, now laughing at me for going so slow. I didn’t mind them, no one going to be laughing when someone else actually knocks off the plate containing the treasure and stabs my heart right then and there. _No way, uh-uh, no one’s going to get between me and my love. My sandwich._

Slowly but surely I reached the two laughing idiots, I narrowed my eyes at Jasper and gave him my sandwich stare. He stopped laughing and nudged Monty’s side. He stopped laughing too and cleared his throat. That’ll get them to stop. I chuckled and started to set my tray down when I felt something bump into my side.

I saw it all happen in slow motion, and my time with the sandwich flashed before my eyes. From the time I picked it up just a few seconds ago from Raven, to our wonderful walk to the table and me sniffing and admiring its delicious glory which was cut painfully short. The sound of the plate hitting the floor might as well have been the sound of my heart breaking.

The plate broke into pieces as it hit the floor and I couldn’t help letting go of the tray. My jaw dropped open when I saw bread, egg, lettuce, ham and tomatoes scattered on the floor, along with the broken pieces of the plate. My body felt heavy and I kneeled down to the floor. I fought back tears and ignored the rumbling of my stomach, mourning the loss of what was supposed to be my first meal in two days. _Two fucking days._

The ketchup on what used to be my feast-sandwich smeared on the floor and to me it looked like a murder scene. It was, in a way, someone killed my sandwich and I was gonna make them pay.

I willed myself to stand up, in honor of my feast-sandwich, _may it rest in peace_ , and wheeled around with all my strength and faced the perpetrator for this tragic crime.

I first saw her green eyes, wide open and staring at me. Mouth agape and then moving, speaking words of apology again and again. She held up her hands and reached for my shoulder.

“I’m sorry!” She said.

“Are you okay? Did you cut yourself?” Her hands travelled down to mine and I didn’t realize they were balled into fists until she tried to pry them open. She checked my palms for injuries and gasped.

“Oh my god! You’re hurt…” I tore my eyes away from her down to my open hands. I almost laughed.

“Oh,” she chuckled a little, “it’s just ketchup.” She smiled at me, her eyes seemed to twinkle knowing I wasn’t hurt and I let myself stare for a second and suddenly my hands got hot, I could feel my palms start sweating and I immediately drew my hands back from hers. I looked at her and narrowed my eyes, she furrowed her brow and frowned.

“I’m sorry, I really am…” She apologized again. I followed her eyes and she looked past me down to the murder scene behind me.

She hissed like she was the one hurt, her green eyes looked directly into mine and she bit her lip. I swallowed the lump in my throat I didn’t know I had and straightened myself. _Think biting your lip all sexy like that with those puppy dog eyes gonna make— wait what?? Whoa, since when did I think she was sexy? She murdered my feast-sandwich! Jesus Clarke! Can’t you think straight for once? Revenge, think revenge!_

I narrowed my eyes at her again for a second then looked around. There was some people staring at us, wide-eyed and waiting for what will happen next. I looked to my left and Jasper and Monty were standing from their seats, with the same look the others around me and the sandwich-murderer had.

I felt uneasy from everyone’s stares but it wasn’t long until I realized that it was just one stare I was feeling the heat under. I looked everywhere except in front of me and approached our table.

I pushed past Jasper and Monty and pushed them aside. I reached for one of Monty’s notebooks and ripped a small piece of paper from the corner of a page. I grabbed a pen next to the laptop on the table.

“Here.” I pushed the small piece of paper in murderer-girl’s face. “That’s the only break I have in-between classes tomorrow.”

“Oh…okay.” She stepped back a little and took the small piece of paper in my hand. As soon as her fingers touched mine, I let go of the paper and drew back my hand. _Revenge Clarke, remember._

She looked from side to side at her friends-accomplices to the crime- who were just as bewildered as her. “I…uh, I don’t really…”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “I’ll be there.” She said quickly. “You better be…” I huffed.

“You owe me a sandwich.”


	2. Blood Must Have…Ketchup

“Nice going, _princess._ ” Raven spat out with emphasis on the last word. I cringed, I hate being called that and she knows it.

“Of course, you had to throw it away before you even took a bite. Tsk, and after all that fuss…” Raven grumbled on about her wasted effort as she swept the mess on the floor. I tuned out when I was reminded of the travesty that took place not half an hour ago. I crouched down under our table and looked for more broken pieces of the plate, I found one, beside one tomato slice, bloody with ketchup and the tears threatened to come again.

I sniffed. _You were taken way before your time feast-sandwich._ I tried to find the right words to say, I smiled. _Yu gon plei ste udon._

I picked up the broken piece along with the tomato slice. I stood up, all too quickly then the next thing I knew, the cafeteria was spinning. I tried to steady myself when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“You okay, princess?” I glanced to my side, toward the sound of the voice. I stared at Raven’s huge eyes, with her brows furrowed together, and if I wasn’t mistaken she actually looked concerned.

“I’m fine…”I could barely manage to say. I leaned on Raven. My hands felt moist, I looked down at them and saw red, the ketchup had spread to my whole palm.

“Damn it Clarke, you’re bleeding!”

I laughed, too much and too loud because I was gasping for air already. “Relax, Raven it’s just ketchup.” I laughed again, and I remember the other girl who thought I was bleeding.

“You’re bleeding Clarke, I think I can tell blood from ketchup. I work in a kitchen? Of course, _you_ wouldn’t know, I doubt you’ve ever had a cut in your life seeing as you’re such a prin—“

My knees gave out, and suddenly it was all black.

* * *

My eyes opened wide as I felt a sting in my left cheek. I heard sighs around me and someone said, “She’s alive!” followed by a slapping noise of what I could only imagine Monty and Jasper doing a high five.

My head was spinning and my left check felt hot. I tried to feel it and the instant my fingers touched my cheek, it stung. “Did someone just slap me?” I asked.

“Griffin, glad you’re back with us.” I saw a wide grin on a heart-shaped face, I squinted and saw Raven with a smile from ear to ear plastered on her face. _There’s the culprit._

I soothed my left cheek and stared daggers at Raven, but complaining would make her win. “Well I’d hate for you to lose your princess to torture.” I tried to smirk at her but ended up flinching because of the pain in my cheek.

“Ha! Don’t think I’m going easy on you because of your little fainting act!” She snapped.

“Act?” Jasper piped up and turned to Raven. “Pfft, well, she really got the whole being completely unresponsive and the blood-drained face down.”

Then he turned to me. “We had to carry you here you know? Not to mention you weigh a ton.”

“Which is weird since you haven’t eaten for days, I guess it was a good thing you didn’t get to eat that sandwich huh?” Monty added with a grin.

I chuckled at Monty’s remark and gave him a weak smile. Raven reached out to squeeze my shoulder. I smiled at her and sat up. I squinted to get a better look around me, I was on a small, lumpy couch. We were in the little room just beside the kitchen where its crew use as a locker room/lounge area and where we sometime hang with Raven. The light in the room was dim which made the lockers off to the side and some boxes around look completely black. Raven was on my left, sitting at the table beside me and Jasper and Monty at the end of the couch. Monty was nodding his head at me, a smirk on his face while his best friend was grinning from ear to ear.

“What?” I asked the grinning fool and he chuckled and it turned into a cough, a fake one at that.  “You’re being weirder than usual, Jasper. What, is there something on my face or something?” I placed my hands on my face when I heard Raven giggle. I turned to her and saw she was holding back a laugh. When she saw me narrow my eyes at her, she looked away and bit her lip.

I looked to my left and Jasper was also doing the same. Monty was smiling then shook his head and looked at me.

“Clarke…there’s som---“

I saw movement and my eyes darted to the figure just behind Monty. She moved her head slowly from behind Monty’s shoulder. Her wavy hair swayed as she stepped closer to the couch. Her green eyes were shining under the dim light of the room. It was that girl from before, the one from the cafeteria, the one who bumped into me and…and killed my sandwich. _Oh, it’s her._

“Hi.” She smiled at me. Just one corner of her lips curled up to emphasize her perfect rosy cheek.

_Damn her smile. If she thinks she can just…_

“Here.” She extended something in front of me. It was a wrapped burger and a big one from the looks of it. My stomach rumbled just looking at it. The sound was so loud everyone in the room heard it, I immediately covered my sandwich-deprived stomach. I looked around and the three idiots were biting their lips so hard to keep from laughing they could draw blood.

“Umm, I came back to see if you were okay. You looked really pale before. I just thought that I should at least check on you after what happened with your sandwich. I’m really sorry about that…by the way.” She looked down at what she was holding.

“I thought you might want this earlier than the time you said to meet. So I went back to the cafeteria then I saw one of your friends,” She added and looked at Monty, “come in here so I followed him and then I saw you on the couch.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, she tilted her head slightly and she stared at me. “Are you okay?”

“I…uh…” I couldn’t speak, her worrying over me and that no doubt delicious hamburger in her hands made me happy inside. I cleared my throat. “I… I’m fine, I guess.” I tried my best to hide the smile creeping into my face. She raised her eyebrows and curled her lips. I smiled back and this time without hiding how her concern for me made me feel.

Someone cleared their throat and my mind snapped back to the room, suddenly remembering we were not alone.

“I hate to interrupt…you guys but now that we know Clarke here is all good, I have to get back to work.” Raven grabbed my arm and helped me up. I straightened myself up then she held my shoulders so I was facing her then she exaggerated a wink and slapped my arm. I could barely make a sound from the pain before she quickly turned me around to face other girl. Her face was close to mine and I could see her up close. The sea green color of her eyes was a perfect match to the flesh tone of her face. Her hair was brown with subtle, lighter highlights which hung on the sides of her face.

This girl is beautiful.

Her eyes wrinkled at the sides and her cheeks rose and I realized she was smiling at me. I also realized I’ve been staring at her.

I stepped back, way back and looked everywhere except her. I cleared my throat and managed to let out a weird laugh. _God, like I need another reason to look like an idiot._ _Now would be a great time to interrupt me Jasper._

Nothing.

I looked around and there was no one else in the room. _They left me! What the fuck! Did they just seriously leave me here? With this girl… who could possibly be a serial killer, as shown by her atrocity earlier?_

_Oh, they are so dead when I see them again that is, if this girl doesn’t get to me first…_

I took a deep breath and pushed away the thoughts in my head and looked at her. She was just staring at me and I at her, not saying a word. The silence and space between us was keeping me safe, not even my no doubt already developing ulcer could distract me from the awkwardness. I tried to think of what to say. _Hey, remember that sandwich you made me throw away? Yeah that, so would you kindly hand over that bag—_

_No, not that Clarke, you glutton! Get over your stupid sandwich and say something! For the love of God, think of something!_

While I was talking to myself, she crossed the space between us. She approached me, held out her hand and said,

“My name is Lexa. I believe I owe you a sandwich… Clarke.”


	3. Bodyguard of Fries

Part 3: Bodyguard of Fries

 

I placed my chin on my palm and let out a yawn and my eyes got blurry. I rubbed my eyes and settled in my chair. _Wow, body, so just because you’re finally full, you’re gonna make me sleepy now too? Well don’t because midterms are coming up for this class and I’ll be damned if I sleep through grumpy ol’ Ms. Indra’s last lecture before the test._

I sat up straight and stretched my arms. I squinted at the board, trying to decipher the hieroglyphs Ms. Indra called her handwriting. _It’s no use. She must have learned some unique kind of stenography just to use it to spite her students._ It didn’t help that she’s writing in another language. I sighed and leaned back and slumped in my seat. _Great, I can see a big fat F. Funny how I suddenly become clairvoyant when it comes to failing._

I closed my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My hands travelled to my stomach and my mind somewhere else.

_Man, that was a great meal._

* * *

 

“Here, I think this is well overdue.” She slid the wrapped food in front of me. I looked at the wrinkled white wax paper wrapping my substitute feast sandwich. I licked my lips and tried my best not to drool. I looked up at her slowly. She smiled at me and nodded. I couldn’t help but grin at her. She laughed a little and said, “Go ahead, Clarke.” She smiled and I noticed even more now how red her lips were and It seems like she’s not wearing any lipstick, or any make up at all. _No way...but look at her lips though. Makes me wanna kiss them._

"Is something wrong? she asked. I snapped out of it and looked back down at the burger. _God, how hunger can make you think._ I unwrapped it and boy, it was glorious. It even looked almost as good as the ones you see on commercials. I picked it up and took a big bite.

I closed my eyes to savor the flavors swimming in my mouth. “Mmmm, my gosh! Thish ish delishous!” I chewed while I spoke and I heard a chuckle. I opened my eyes and saw something had catapulted from my mouth and had landed on the table. I looked at the half chewed glob and my eyes darted up to see how she’d react. She was leaning her chin on her palm, looking at me and pursing her lips, she was trying her best not to laugh. I put down the burger and wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist.

“Sorry about that, you must think I’m some crazy person with no manners or something. Being all dramatic about some sandwich and now spitting in your face with half-chewed food.” I looked down at the table and looked for something to wipe the disgusting glob.

“Clarke.”

I looked up and saw she was now frowning. “What?” I asked.

“Clarke, you fainted. You fainted because...well, I wasn’t looking where I was going and knocked your sandwich to the floor. Your friend told me it was a special sandwich? And the other two also said you three have been so busy with a project that you’ve hardly had anything to eat other than granola bars and energy drinks. So forget table manners right now," she said with a tight smile.

I felt the need to touch her hand and tell her it wasn’t her fault but I stopped myself short. _It **was** her fault, Clarke. Sandwich murderer, remember? Revenge and all that? A delicious substitute burger won’t replace poor feast sandwich…even if it is so incredibly delicious… and you're starving…and… ugh, let’s face it, **Raven** made feast sandwich. _**Raven** _. It could’ve given me food poisoning or something._

“Hey, I said you owed me a sandwich and a sandwich you delivered. Well, technically you gave me a burger, which maybe better—but anyway the way I see it, we’re even.” I reassured her. I gave her a smile and she gave me one back. _There it is… I wanna see that smile._

“So, thank you…Lexa.”

I didn’t know if it was the starvation, but I thought I saw her face light up when I said her name. It felt good saying it. I wanted to say it more.

 

* * *

In the end, I never got to eat much of the burger, much to my stomach’s disappointment. I just happened to have found a better remedy... or distraction for my hunger.

I chuckled to myself as I thought about lunch with Lexa.

“Care to share to us what you find so interesting up there, Miss Griffin?”

My eyes snapped to the front of the room and focused on the cold and stoic face that was staring directly at me. I shrank into my seat as Ms. Indra waited for me to speak. Nothing but incoherent sounds left my mouth and a quick look around the room made me feel as small as an ant right then. No one dared look at me. Everybody else was either looking down suddenly finding their notebooks so interesting or staring directly at the board, which is how you can keep her from calling you out. And you DO NOT want to get called out in her class. Everyone knows that, I know that and for the better part of the semester I have kept that vital piece of classroom survival info in mind. _Now w_ _hy the hell did I start forgetting now?_

Lexa.

“Fuck,” I said under my breath. _Think._ “There’s uh… um…the light was flickering and I – it’s just hard to take notes when the…uh… light is… flickering…” I ended up whispering. I closed my eyes, realizing how stupid that was. _Really though? The lights? I know a certain part-time mechanic that would just love to mock me when she hears this flimsy excuse._

She looked up at the ceiling. I looked around and saw everyone looking at the ceiling above me. There wasn't a light above me. 

Well…” The way she said it felt so slow to me I could’ve sworn just saying it, she’s already made a detailed plan on how to make this class a living hell for me...or a detailed plan on how to kill me.

She walked to the front of the teacher's desk and reached inside a drawer. _Oh god, what they said was real. She keeps a dagger in there in case she needs to throw it at any student who thinks her Native Languages class is an easy A._

I held my breath and and felt as if the whole class was doing so too. We eyed her hands, waiting to see what she’ll pull out of her secret armory in that drawer. _Sh_ _e’s gonna pull out a dagger and throw it at me or maybe something else much worse. I dunno the rumors kind of vary._ I brace myself and wonder how good my reflexes are. I glanced around me and saw that everybody had their eyes glued to the front of the room, wondering if they’re going to confirm a rumor and be witnesses to a murder. 

Finally, she pulled out a book out from the drawer. It looked like a thin hardbound book. _Shit, she’s gonna slap me in the face with her thesis._

Then the bell rang.

I heard heavy sighs fill the room. I don't know if that was relief or disappointment. Then everybody hustled to put their stuff into their bags and left the room. I stayed behind, of course.  _Better get the killing/slapping over with._

I grabbed my notebook that was completely lacking any sort of notes and stuffed it into my bag. I slowly approach Ms. Indra. Up close, I could see her jaw clench and her glassy eyes staring right at me. _No witnesses, smart. Now she’s really going to pull out her dagger._

“This isn’t the most exciting class…I know. I’m not an idiot, Griffin. But my students usually have enough sense to at least pretend to pay attention.” She clenched her jaw tighter.

“I didn’t mean t—“

“Do you know why they say this class is known as a “sure pass” one?” she interrupted.

“I…” It just dawned on me then, _why does everybody say this class is an easy A when the teacher handling it is freaking terrifying?_

“Because it is.”

"Huh?" 

“You need just one of two things to pass this class, most have one and only few have the other," she continued. “I rarely fail my students. The ones I do are the ones that stop showing up when they can’t take the way I handle this class. Those students fail because they stop fighting. This class has dwindled down to a quarter after the first week and down to half after the first test.”

I felt proud for a second. I was one of the few who stayed.

“I give the passing grade to the students that do stay till the end, but just the passing grade. I haven’t found anyone who deserved higher than that in a while, until now.” She handed me the book in her hands.

“Ask yourself, which one of the two things you have.”

I took it and examined it. 

“Don’t lose it,” she said as gathered her things and walked past me. I glanced at her and said, “Thank you.”

She turned her head and said, “Don’t thank me yet.” Then she left.

I followed her soon after I realized that the most terrifying teacher on campus just gave me her own version of a pep talk.

* * *

“And then what?!” Jasper’s face lunged closer to mine and I had to back away.

“Was it true? Does she really have a drawer full of daggers? Did she throw one at you? How was her aim? I heard she hunts with arrows and knives. Real old school…” Monty was nodding and I always wonder how he can speak that fast.

I stared at them and chewed my food. Now that I think about it, the rumors were pretty out there. I wondered who started spreading them. They were both looking at me wide-eyed, eager to hear what had happened in my Native Languages class. Apparently they heard it from some of my traitor classmates who ran of to gossip to the whole school about me getting caught day dreaming in Professor Indra’s class.

Not seconds after I was out of the room, the two boys grabbed me and dragged me off to hear the whole story. I took another handful of fries and put them in my mouth and chewed slowly. The two came even closer.

I rolled my eyes and swallowed. “Do you think any of the things you heard happened if I’m still here in one piece?”

“I don’t know, you tell us…” Monty trailed off, raising his eyebrows at me. Jasper nodded in agreement.

I pushed away my plate of fries and said, “I was day dreaming okay? _I_ got caught _day dreaming_ in Indra’s class! Happy?” I leaned back and folded my arms in front of me. _Why can’t I just enjoy a meal without interruptions?_

Jasper opened his mouth wide, pretending to be shocked at my confession. “Well, well! How the mighty have fallen! Clarke Griffin, day dreaming… _in_ class no less! That is so unlike you!” He looked to his best friend.

Monty was shaking his head. “Mm, mm! Never thought I’d say the day, did you Jasper?” He glanced beside him. “Why, no Monty, never did I think goody two shoes student Clarke Griffin, who’d rather practically not eat for not one but _two_ days straight just to get extra credit for a project that’s not even due yet _,_  be caught being no less than _perfect_.”

I exhaled and clenched my fists. He made a big show out of what he said, raising his hands and speaking his words like someone would if they were in a play. It made my blood boil. _Somebody’s gonna get punched._

Monty rubbed his chin again and mimicked Jasper. “Exactly, my friend. Hmm… I wonder _what_ could ever have made her get so…” He stopped as if to search for a word, “Sloppy?”

“Or in this case, _who_?” Jasper continued. They smiled mischievously.

My heart pounded. If I was eating right now, I’d have choked. My need to punch them was replaced with the need to hide from their annoying habit of seeing right through me. _I hate them, they didn’t ask all those stupid questions to know what happened, they asked to get to the reason **why** that happened. They wanted me to admit it._

I was distracted. That never happens. Especially not because of someone. Someone like her.

I sighed and slumped in my seat.  “Ugh!” I put up my elbows on the table and covered my face with my hands but not even my hands could hide me from the fact that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, that girl…she made me threw away my sandwich. I couldn’t help but smile.

I finally put down my hands and saw the two guys in front of me. Their smiles weren’t teasing me anymore, they looked encouraging.

Monty reached out and laid a hand on my shoulder while Jasper shook his head and chuckled.

“What’s her name?” Monty asked.

I looked at him. I thought he already knew. They were the ones who told her where I was after I fainted. _Guess, she didn’t introduce herself. Was she too worried about me?_

I smiled and said, “Lexa… her name’s Lexa.”

Monty smiled and nodded and looked at Jasper. “Aha!” They said to each other and laughed. They both raised their hands and I thought they were gonna high five but they each high fived themselves with their other hand.

_There’s that stupid high-five sort of handshake again. I can't believe these two, who have a world of their own, keep making me spill my guts without fail._

After a moment, the two boys leaned closer, smiling that mischievous smile again and together they said, “Tell us everything.”

 


	4. Spacewalker

Part 4: Spacewalker

 

“What’re we talking about?”

My eyes darted to Raven standing over us. “What’re you doing here...and how long have you been standing there?” I looked around the diner when she seemed like she just appeared out of nowhere, an annoying habit of hers as of late.

Without answering my question, she sat beside me with Jasper and Monty across us in the booth. She reached for the plate of fries I had pushed away and looked at the three of us, smiling. I gave her a disapproving look that she seemed oblivious to. She was too busy eating  _my_ fries _._  I grabbed the plate away from her before she could finish it all and leave me with nothing.

“Hey! I was eating that!” she yelled at me and tried to take the plate back. I swatted her arm away. “And now, you’re not.” She tried to reach for them again but before she could get her grubby hands on  _my_ fries, I stuffed the remaining deep fried potato sticks into my mouth.

There were a lot more than I thought there would be but I had to eat them all before she could.  _Okay maybe this wasn’t such a good idea Clarke._ My gag reflex was going to kick in if I didn’t chew properly. “Um...do you need water or something?” Monty asked, seeing me struggle with all the fries I stuffed in my mouth.

“Nrk,” I tried to say "no" but by then my jaw felt like it was going to give out on me. I had a hard time not choking and had to close my eyes just to concentrate on not letting Raven eat my fries. It was a matter of pride now.

Jasper was now laughing and Monty handed me a glass of water but I held up my hand in protest.  _See? I’m fine and enjoying my fries._ I turned to Raven so that she could see me enjoying what she  _thought_  were her fries but all I saw was the back of her phone and her smile behind it.

My face fell and I stopped chewing.  _Oh! Raven you BITC—_

“Here we see a girl stuffing her face with a plate-full of fries in an effort to  _not_ share with her friends.” She zoomed in closer to my mouth. “You can see her bloated mouth overflowing with the juices of her greed.” Jasper and Monty let out a laugh but stopped when I turned to them, seriously trying to kill them with my stare. I looked back at Raven, she was still recording my shame. I covered my mouth and turned my back to her and started chewing so fast like my life depended on it, well, at this point it did.

“Now she realizes the shame of her actions and tries to hide it by turning away from her friends,” Raven narrated. I urged myself not to just spit what I was chewing in her face and concentrated until I finally swallowed the last of it. I slowly turned to them, what’s left of my dignity intact. They were all looking at me, Raven’s phone included, waiting for my reaction. I cleared my throat but apparently I didn’t chew well enough and I started choking. I couldn’t stop coughing. “Clarke!” Monty grabbed the glass of water again and handed it to me. I reached for it and drank it like I’ve been in a desert for days instead of having just unwittingly tried to kill myself with potatoes.

I downed the drink and it felt so good to escape death. I sat back and breathed in and out as hard as I could.

“Are you okay?” I raised my eyes to see Jasper. His concern was downplayed by the fact he was holding back a laugh. I made an effort to nod. I turned to Raven, she put down her phone. “I call it,” waving her hands in the air, “‘greedy princess, choked to death on fries’… well almost.” She grinned.

 _"_ You know what!"I reached over to try and grab her phone.  _No one’s seeing me wolf down a plate of fries, no sir!_

“Whoops!” Raven swiped he phone away, while the two boys laughed. 

"Raven! I swear- delete that shit!" I yelled at her.

Raven smirked. "Make me."

"Fuck y-"  

I stopped mid-swear when I heard the entrance door bell ring and in came a familiar face.

“Clarke…?” 

My body tensed as soon as recognized her. "Lexa...hi." I gave her a tentative smile.

"Hi," Lexa said, smiling at all of us. Everyone in the booth fell silent and turned to look at me. I caught Raven's gaze, she had a knowing look on her face. I glared at her which she returned with a mischievous smile.

Raven stood up and extended her hand to Lexa. "I don't think we've properly met. Raven Reyes. Mechanic." Raven smiled and I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was her flirty smile.

"Part-time," I said through clenched teeth as I stared daggers at Raven. She was doing the exact same thing I was telepathically telling her not to. Lexa took Raven's hand and shook it, smiling. I couldn’t help but feel they shook a little too long and she smiled a little too much at my friend who I will be disowning soon.

I was relieved when they finally stopped touching hands. “So what brings you here?” Raven asked, not taking her eyes off Lexa.  I told myself it was just me that noticed the lingering handshake and stare. Still, I couldn’t help but smile at seeing her again so soon.

“I guess the same thing everyone is here for?” Lexa chuckled.

“Right, the fries.” Raven glanced at me, smiling. “They’re Clarke’s favorite.”  

Lexa nodded. “She does like her comfort food.” She and Raven laughed. The green-eyed girl stole a glance at me and pursed her lips. The sound of Lexa’s laugh was unlike any I’ve ever heard, so soft and precious like it’s saved for the most precious of moments. If only it wasn’t at my expense. The once goofy smile on my face slowly disappeared.

“No, the milkshakes actually. Harper really likes them.” She motioned to her friends, who I didn’t even notice come in with her, leaning over the counter.

“Yeah, they are good milkshakes. It’s what I get here all the time actually,” Raven prattled on about her usual in the diner and it looked as if Lexa was interested. Smiling and laughing at the right moments. Kind of reminds me of the time we had lunch just hours ago.

I busied myself with something else while Lexa and Raven talked. I noticed Jasper and Monty has been listening in on their conversation, adding their two cents in too. No one even noticed that I wasn’t part of the lively discussion about the diner’s specialties.

 _Chin up, Clarke._ I told myself, _she’s just a naturally friendly person and at that time, she was just being especially nice to a girl she owed a sandwich to._

If only it didn’t hurt so bad.

I’ve been looking outside the window beside our booth and watching the cars go by when someone nudged my shoulder. I turned to see six faces were looking at me expectantly but my eyes only fixed onto one.

I turned to Raven, who was now back sitting next to me, for an explanation but all I got was a look. I notice the girl beside her Lexa who was drinking what looked like a milkshake to-go.

“See you guys later…?”

“Thanks for the invite dude,” Milkshake girl added. She waved goodbye and headed for the door, another of Lexa’s friend, the shorter one with blonde braided hair did the same and followed after her.

“Invite, wh—“ Jasper kicked my shin before I could finish. I glared at him and again all I got was a look. _The hell with all these looks they’re giving me?_

“See you guys at the party.” Lexa waved. “Bye, Clarke.” She smiled, and I could almost swear she looked amused. She turned and followed her friends and left the diner.

“Bye…?” The entrance bell rang again and Raven scooted closer, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

 “What the fuck just happened?” I asked her.

“You said ‘you’re welcome’ wrong,” Raven replied.

“Huh?” I looked to them to make sense of what just happened. “Wait what did you do?” I narrowed my eyes at Raven. She shrugged saying, “Look I had to think of something to explain you rudely not paying attention to people literally talking in front of you.”

“And what did you think of exactly?”

“Well, I may have invited them to a party tonight at my place? Told them it was your plan, that’s why you were so…distracted.” She smiled eagerly.

My mouth fell open and I could feel my blood boiling, this was not the first time Raven has dragged me into stupid stuff like this. “What party?”

Then it hit me… when I said... Oh NO.

“What the fuck Raven?! A party? Tonight?!” I raised my arms in disbelief. “And you invited Lexa! To a party that doesn’t exist!”

 “Not yet,” Raven chimed in. “Get your shit together people, we’ve got a lot of things to do.” 

“You can’t seriously plan a party this short notice.” I shook my head.

My friends laughed like I just told them the funniest thing ever. “Oh my dude,” Jasper wiped a tear from his eye, “this is a _college_ party we’re talking about.”

Monty tapped my shoulder and winked. “We got this.”

Suddenly Raven pointed at him. “Monty, food and booze, think you can handle that?”

“Have you met me?” Monty sat back and smirked.

Raven turned to Jasper. “Jasper, atmosphere. That means music and lights, you can even have decorations, I don’t care, just clean the place up and make the it ready to be partied in, got it?”

“Got i— hey wait a minute! You just want me to clean up your apartment!” Jasper protested.

Raven held out her hand. “Do you want me to invite her or not?”

Jasper closed his mouth then said, “You got it boss!” _Invite who?_  I wondered.

“Good,” Raven continued, “I’ll do the guest list and…” She turned to me.

“No,” I said before she can even bark orders at me.

“May I remind you that Lexa is coming?” Raven raised her eyebrows. Monty and Jasper followed suit.

“You invited her to a party that _I’m_ supposedly throwing in _your_ place. That doesn’t even make sense? And who else is coming to this party, is it just going to be the six of us?” I fired back. For a second I let myself think of an intimate gathering instead… which wasn’t such bad idea.

“Clarke, what part of college party do you not understand?” He laughed. “Give a time, a place and a collection of booze and they will come.”

I looked at him and his bestfriend. God knows the three of us has been so busy for the past few weeks. I can go to sleep and unwind but these two, they needed a different kind of unwinding and I suppose this is the perfect opportunity. But why do I have to get dragged into this? I don’t have time to party and get drunk.

“It is the exact same time for you to get drunk, Griffin. Come on! Lexa. Is. Coming!”

Oh so now she reads my mind. “So what if she’s coming? Looked to me like the two of you were carrying conversation just fine. Maybe I won’t be missed at this party.” The hint of jealousy in my voice couldn’t have been any clearer.

Raven sighed. “If only you saw how she reacted when I said you were throwing a party at my place because you practically lived there, seeing as you sleep over a lot…” she smiled but it faded. “…used to anyway.”

My interest shot through the roof, allowing myself to have a little bit of hope as I asked, “How…did she react?”

“You can ask her yourself at the party.” Monty wiggled his eyebrows. Jasper looked like a dog waiting for his owner to throw him a bone. I looked at my friends just waiting for me to give them an answer. I resigned to my fate and said, “Fine.”

“Yes!” The three of them cheered as I shook my head.

“Well!” Raven clapped her hands. “Shall we? We have a party to throw, in…” she turned and looked at the clock near the door,”…three hours!” She laughed. “Yeah! Let’s Do This!” Monty and Jasper cheered again and high fived. At least they’re challenged by the fact that they have to throw a spontaneous party, me on the other hand…

Raven was looking at me with a look I know all too well, she’s got her game face on. I re-evaluated my life choices up to now and thought how I ended up with friends like them.  If only their excitement was infectious. Something was going to happen at this party I just know it.

 

 


	5. Unity Day (Part 1)

Part 5: Unity Day

 

I closed my eyes as I drag my hand through my hair and sigh for the millionth time. As if this homework was going to magically make itself if I let out enough air through my nose as begrudgingly as possible, and slump my shoulders enough times. I opened my eyes and noticed, at the edge of my desk, the thin, hard-bound book Professor Indra gave me.

As I opened it, I saw that inside it were all of my papers from the first test to the last before midterms. I was surprised she kept them, I heard she threw the unclaimed ones out if the owner was absent on the day they were returned. A day that is was absent for I recall… but she didn’t throw mine out. I looked at the scores on the upper right corner of the papers and smiled to myself. _Congrats, Clarke, you actually got all passing marks._ I sighed again and this time it felt heavier. _Why am I not jumping with joy right now? Oh, I don’t know… maybe because she didn’t just give me my papers_ _back, she gave me a project to sweeten the pot too!_ I leaned back in my desk chair and looked up at the ceiling. I chuckled. This was exactly what I was doing when she caught me. I dug my own grave that day.

“Trigadesleng Literary Anthology,” I read the writings on the cover of the hard bound book out loud. I took out my papers and leafed through the book and I couldn’t help but be amazed. It was a collection of short stories and poems in Trigadesleng. I looked at the names at the bottom of each page. _The poor saps who got caught daydreaming in her class too probably, saps who incidentally happened to be the best ones in it too._ I read the words and was surprised I could understand them quite well. _Huh, guess just listening to Indra was all I needed to learn everything she was trying to teach in her class. Notes didn’t matter after all._

I continued reading and found them actually quite good. They were about the most random things, just thoughts and dreams their writers had. I read on until I got to the last one which was a poem. I noticed the name below. It was Lexa’s.

My heart started beating faster as I read the title out loud.

“Weakness.”

“What is?” I asked myself out loud. I mulled over what she could mean by it. I started reading the first lines. I shifted in my seat, trying to ignore the question on my mind. _When did my room got so hot?_  But it wasn’t the room’s sudden humidity. I started feeling…weird. I realized that reading this could be like seeing what’s inside her head, even her soul. This poem could be an outlet of whatever emotion she could’ve felt before, whatever it was that made her feel weak. Then I too started thinking what could make me feel weak. The first thing that popped into my head was her. _She makes me feel weak._

I took a deep breath and let myself think for a minute that this very poem could be about the person she loves…or loved. I swallowed the lump in my throat and buried the little ache I felt, I continued reading the poem when my mind stopped on one word.

“…death.”

BOOM!

I jumped in my chair, dropping the book on the floor. I placed a hand on my chest. I tried to calm my heart down and make sure I didn’t die of a heart attack at nineteen induced by an idiot practically breaking down my door and interrupting me from my…reading.

“Goddammit Raven, what the hell?!” I shouted at her.  

“Me? I should be shouting at you!” She looked genuinely pissed at me.

“Uh, you were the one who stormed in here like the feds about to bust a drug den!” I shouted back.

“Stormed in? Hey, I knocked! You were the one too busy to let me in.” She pointed her finger at me then started looking around my room. “What were you doing anyway? It didn’t sound like you were listening to anything from outside…” She narrowed her eyes at me. “You don’t happen to have started the party without us, have you?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“What? No!” I shook my head.

“Well, then what on earth are you still doing not dressed and not ready for the party?” She asked, motioning to my pajama-clad self. I opened my mouth to say something but I was at a loss.

“Really? You just left my place, not half an hour ago!” Raven sighed.

“I thought I had a few minutes to…you know catch up on some stuff? Since I know this party’s gonna be a long one…” I didn’t meet Raven’s eyes. It’s bad enough I find out that I have shit memory, I don’t need her judgey eyes on me too. “Nice try, now get dressed!” 

I sighed and got off the chair to crawl under my desk and reach for the book. When I came back up, Raven was standing close to me. I held up the book to separate her face from mine. She snatched the book away and read the cover.

“Ha! So it was true!” She bent over, laughing. I rolled my eyes.

“What’s true?” I asked a still laughing Raven. When I was answered with more laughs, I tried to reach for the book but she swiped it away just in time. She wiped a finger under her eye and said, “So, the princess really did get caught daydreaming in Indra’s class huh?” She shook her head at me.

“Give it.” I held out my hand but she didn’t comply. “Dude! Do you want me to get dressed or not?” I yelled.

She waved her hand and shrugged. “We can be fashionably late. Now let’s see what this is.” She looked at the book cover. “Oh… extra homework, huh? Sucks.” She handed it back to me, giving me a sympathetic smile. “Now, get dressed.” Raven said as she headed for the door.

“It’s not too late to back out is it?” I said after her.

She paused, turning to me, saying, “Put on the dress your fairy godmother gave you and get your ass ready Cinderella. You have a ball to attend and there’s a princess waiting to dance with you.” She closed the door behind her.

I walked over to my bed and flopped on the soft mattress. "If only this was as easy a fairy tale."

* * *

“Look who’s here!” Jasper and Monty greeted me with pats on my shoulders as soon as they saw me enter the place. This party has just started a little while ago and the two already smelled like they were doused with beer. “I’ll go and get you a drink.” Monty volunteered, I wanted to tell him I didn’t want any but he was already lost in the crowd.

“Come on,” Jasper said. I had to keep a straight face when Jasper led—more like squeezed me—to the center of the room. The place was packed, I could hardly recognize Raven’s apartment that I helped prepare not an hour ago.

“Told you it would look better once the party started.” Jasper gave me a lopsided grin as he showed me his “decorations” for the party which were pretty much just moved tables to the side to allocate for a dance floor, and kegs – kegs everywhere. I looked around and nodded then turned to him.

“Where’s the food?” I asked, I had to raise my voice to be heard over the noise. He opened his mouth but didn’t speak. His eyes widened.

“Really? You _forgot_ the food? Not even a couple bowls of chips or something?” I shook my head and laughed. The deer in the headlights look on his was priceless.

“I—” He looked around the room frantically. “R-Raven kept saying “beer”, so I-I guess that’s what I made sure to bring and forgot about everything else!” He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed and his grin now gone. I chuckled, he looked like a kid who was told Christmas wasn’t going to come this year. He looked really proud and excited, even a little nervous when we were “decorating” which really just meant rearranging the “minimalist” furniture in Raven’s apartment an hour ago. 

“Relax Jasper. It’s just…knowing you, _Monty’s_ best friend and in charge of the food and stuff, I thought you’d at least come up with a tray of _baked_ brownies or something.” I joked, trying to make him feel better. His mouth fell wide open and he covered it with his hand. He actually looked nervous, of what I didn’t know.

“Jasper what is it?” I asked.

“What if she was thinking the same thing? What if she’ll be looking for chips!” Jasper grabbed my shoulders.

“Who! Who’ll be looking for chips?” He looked too distraught over chips which made it even funnier.

“Clarke, you gotta help me! This is bad, really bad! I didn’t realize it until now! I mean, you’re right, how could _I_ of all people forget to bring brownies to a party? BROWNIES!” He shouted as he shook my shoulders. I couldn’t stop laughing, the other thing I liked seeing in Jasper, aside from fear of my cannibalism jokes is the complete and utter loss of functionality which only happened when it came to…

“Girls! Of course, so that’s what Raven said back at the diner!” I slapped his chest. “Who is it? Somebody I know?”

“Did somebody say…brownies?” I turned around and there was Monty, red cup in one hand and a Tupperware on the other. “Here you go, Clarke.” He handed me the red cup. I took it and thanked him.

“And some _fudge_ dessert for you.” Monty handed Jasper the plastic container. He winked at his best friend then smiled at me.

Jasper took the plastic box. “Is this…?” He grinned.

Monty just wiggled his eyebrows.

“HAHA!!” Jasper raised his hands and hugged Monty. They pulled away and then high fived each other. It was their special high five again but this time, Jasper slapped the container of brownies instead of his hand. “Never doubt my friend,” Monty added. “Never,” Jasper replied.

“So has our guest of honor arrived yet?” Monty asked, taking one of the brownies and popping an entire square into his mouth. Jasper did the same thing and they both smiled at each other, showing their teeth stained with chocolate.

“I don’t think the host has even arrived yet.” I sighed, remembering the grief Raven gave me for being ready for the party and then ditching me the second I stepped out of my room.

“Well, technically, _you_ threw this party Clarke, not Raven,” Monty almost shouted. The noise was starting to build up as more and more people arrived and started talking to the ones inside.

 “Yeah, a party _I_ threw that _she_ invited _everyone_ to, that’s happening in _her_ apartment.” The logic still didn’t add up but here everyone was partying. It irked me to think where it was she went. _I’m in a party, might as well act like it._ I gulped down the entire cup of beer.

“Whooh! Go Clarke!” The two guys cheered.

 _Bad idea._ Monty almost filled up the cup to the top! They were cheering so I felt like chugging the whole cup. _Why do I always put things in my mouth without thinking how much there is?_ I swallowed hard. The taste of the beer exploded in my taste buds. The taste which I never really liked and always wondered how everyone in this whole room could stomach.

 _Suck it up Clarke! You’re in college aren’t you?_ College kids are supposed to party and get wasted instead of just staying in their dorm rooms, being good little students, getting good grades, and making mommy and daddy proud. _This is what we do!_

_Isn’t it?_

I let the taste of alcohol settle in my mouth. I felt sick. _Oh who was I kidding, I hate drinking!_ I quickly grabbed the box Jasper was holding and opened it. I took one brownie and stuffed it into my mouth.

I sighed as I chewed, at least this tasted good. I decided that I was going to worry later about how generous Monty was with the _ingredients_ and enjoyed eating it. I took another one and ate it.

“Stuffing ourselves again, huh?”

I glanced toward the door and saw Raven shaking her head. “It’s a shame I don’t have my phone with me right now. This would’ve been a great addition to the fries incident.” Raven put her hands on her hips and looked genuinely disappointed.

I continued chewing, her shit not bothering me one bit. “Want some?” I offered her the brownies with the biggest smile I could muster. She tilted her head and chuckled, glancing to Monty then Jasper. I followed her gaze. Monty and Jasper had smiles just as big as mine on their faces. Raven bit her lip and nodded. “This should be interesting. Now, shall we party or not?”

* * *

I mingled around and talked with a few people. There were some there who I knew from my classes before and some who I have classes with now. The talks were mostly about who was passing this and who was failing that, sharing a good laugh or two about the evil professors we had. The quizzes we almost failed and some did fail, competing who had the longest all-nighter and whether it paid off or not. It was all good fun, everyone had their stories and everyone was enjoying themselves. I was enjoying myself too and it was goodbut all the while I couldn't help keeping track of the people who came in the apartment.

The party dragged on. I was having fun, I think. A part of me missed this kind of life, going out with Jasper and Monty to parties all the time, but now it just seems so... unfamiliar. People around me were still talking and I pretended to listen as my mind wandered and it wasn't long until I got... bored.  _No Clarke, you’re in a party, forget about the books and the papers. Just let go, just for a while._ But I couldn’t. It wasn’t because I was thinking about mountains of untouched schoolwork, it was something else. Someone else.

I left the crowd I was pretending to listen to and I started searching for that ever annoying face. 

“Raven!” I called when I saw she was in the kitchen playing beer pong on the island counter top. I walked over to the crowd and called her again. She bounced off another ball off the counter top but I caught it before it landed on another beer cup.  

“Boo!” Everyone at the table shouted at me for spoiling their fun. I shot them a look, one of them especially. I held up the ball. “I need to talk to you,” I said to Raven.

“Later, princess. As you can see we are busy having fun before you ruined it. Now, give me the ball.” She held out her hand.

I threw the pingpong ball into the sink. “Ey!!” Everyone shouted at me and started complaining. “Clarke!” Raven cried. I stared back at her and she slumped her shoulders and groaned. I started out the kitchen with Raven followed me, mumbling curses at me no doubt. I looked for a place where there were less drunk college kids shouting and laughing. I picked a place where one guy was crying and laughing by the wall.

Raven tapped his shoulder and said, “Beat it, Miller.” The guy turned around and went on his way, still laughing and crying.

“He's high." Raven nodded.

"Oh." 

"And just got dumped.” Raven shrugged.

“Oh…” I frowned.

“So, what’s up?” Raven leaned on the wall. She waited for me to speak but I didn’t know where to start. “If you’re gonna confess your feelings for me Griffin, just do it. I won’t make it weird, I promise.”

I giggled. I GIGGLED. I stopped myself the second I regained full control of my body. Raven looked as shocked as I was probably feeling. _Damn it Monty, how much did you put in the brownies?!_ I shook my head and cleared my throat.

“Well?” She raised her eyebrows.

“I…uh. Where’s—” The words were jumbled in my head. I chugged one cup of beer and ate two pot brownies, I wasn’t that much of a lightweight, was I?

Raven sighed. “Oh princess, precious, naïve little princess.” She shook her head at me and smirked. “It’s Friday night! Did you really think a girl like her would just show up to _one_ party? She probably has a lot of parties lined up for the night.” She shrugged.

My heart sank and my eyes fell to the floor. “Right…” I mumbled, my eyes still glued to the floor.  “But she is coming right?” I looked up at my friend.

Raven shrugged even more nonchalantly. "Depends. Maybe one party is so wild, she doesn't wanna leave...I mean you remember how it is."

"Not really." I turned away, pretending to look around the apartment. Everyone was enjoying themselves. I could clearly make out Monty entertaining a crowd by the couch and Jasper talking to a girl on the opposite side of the room. I smiled, at least one of us gets to talk to a girl tonight. I sighed heavily. I do remember what it was like. And if i know better then she's never going to come. “Yeah, I think I'm just gonna leave," I said as I turned around and headed for the door.

“Wait, what?” Raven yelled after me. “Where are you going?” I kept walking and practically started shoving people that were in my way. Raven caught up with me and turned me around. “Clarke. She’ll come!” Raven reassured me. “And if she won’t, who cares? Can’t you just have fun and party?" 

I shook my head. “ _I_ care. She was the whole reason I came remember? Not to mention the reason this whole party even exists."

"Just wait a couple more minutes! Please?" She begged, looking so desperate to keep me here.

 _I want to_. I almost said but I didn't want to prolong the anxiety of having to wait for her to show up. I just couldn't. "I’ve been here for hours and I _did_ have fun," I smiled at her, "but if she's not coming then...” 

_...what's the point?_

"...I've had enough fun for the night."

I turned to leave but Raven didn’t let me go. “Look I know you like her. I mean who wouldn’t? She’s pretty… like really, really pretty…" she shook her head, "she really is pretty isn’t she? Smoking hot too…” Raven trailed off.

 _Don't remind me_. “It’s cool Raven, I mean I came, I drank, I partied and now I’m leaving.” I gave her a tight smile.  

“Are you sure? Who knows maybe she’s just fashionably late? Like us? I mean that’s a thing.”  She tried to reason with me but I’ve been here for over 2 hours, if she was coming, she would've been here by now. And I saw no reason to stay any longer if the only reason I was really here wasn’t showing up.

“Enjoy _your_ party Raven.” I smiled at her then turned to leave.

 “Shit…” I heard her say as I left.

* * *

I shivered. It was colder than I thought it would be. I looked back to see if Raven came after me, saying Lexa did come. But there was no one behind me.

All I saw before me was an empty street dimly lighted by the street light above. I sighed and started walking again. The more steps I took away from the party, the heavier my breathing became. I could see the air coming from my mouth and nose. Raven was right and for once, I agreed with her when she called me naïve. _I didn’t really think there was a princess waiting to dance with me at the ball but it still would’ve been nice._

I wrapped my arms around myself. I shivered again. _Was it always this cold?_ Then I groaned. “Dammit!” I shouted. Did I seriously leave my jacket? _I knew I should’ve just stayed in my room. This wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t let Raven talk me into going, and for what!? I was just wasting my time. Again. When are you going to learn, Clarke? Nobody’s worth busying over right now, not him, not her. Not anyone._

I stopped walking. It’s been a while since I thought about him. About Finn. Thoughts of him came flooding back and I felt my heart ache a little… but just a little. It doesn’t even hurt anymore not like it used to, and soon…tonight won’t hurt anymore too.

I felt something in my back pocket. I hated to pry my arm away from my body but the vibrating didn’t stop. I got my phone and looked at the screen. It was hard to read it with my hand shivering. _Maybe I should go back…just to get my jacket._ I shook my head but it felt more like I was vibrating now too. _Should’ve worn something a little thicker. Well… then again I didn’t know I was going to be walking in the street at night without my jacket anyway._ I let all the frustration out with a heavy sigh and answered my phone. I decided I was going to go back but just to get my jacket, and until Raven breaks a sweat trying to apologize for making me come out tonight and making me hope _she_ was coming.

“Hello?” I answered. I tried a hard as I could not to breathe heavy into the speaker. _Don’t want Raven thinking I was slowly dying of the cold out here, best let her grovel first._

“Clarke! Where are you?” It was Jasper. It sounded like he was the one out on the street shivering. He was breathing heavily and I could clearly hear the panic in his voice amidst the music in the background.

“Jasper? Wh-what is it? Is everything okay?” I asked him.

“She’s here. She’s here, Clarke! Raven really did invite her. She’s here but—“

There was a pause. “But what Jasper?

“You have to come. Now!” He replied. Amidst the panic, I could hear the smile in his voice and I couldn’t help but smile too. _She came, oh my god..._ My heart was beating so fast again.

I turned around and headed back to the ball. _This princess wasn’t going to miss her dance after all._

* * *

I welcomed the heat that greeted me when I opened the door to Raven’s apartment. Who knew the body heat from drunk college kids grinding on each other would feel so good. I stopped to look around and catch my breath. I practically ran here when I ended Jasper’s call.

“Oh good Clarke you’re here!!” Jasper took me in his arms and hugged me. I had to push him away because the hug lasted too long and his body felt too hot. Drops of sweat gathered on his forehead and he was twitching and looking around in panic. I grabbed his shoulders to make him look at me. “Where is she?” I couldn’t help the grin in my face. I was excited to finally see her.

His head nodded to the kitchen. “Over there, with her _boyfriend_.” The grin on my face disappeared, my eyes widening in disbelief. _Boyfriend?_ If the music wasn’t too loud I swear everyone in the room would’ve heard the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces.


	6. Unity Day (Part 2)

Part 6: Unity Day 2

 

“Wha—“ I breathed out, “What?” I let out a laugh but it wasn’t a happy one. “What boyfriend?” The pieces of my broken heart fell to the floor. Jasper looked at me like the world just ended. I was probably looking at him the same way.

I didn’t dare look where he nodded towards. I didn’t want to see some guy’s arms draped around her shoulders. My arms felt like lead and fell to my side. They felt so heavy that my shoulders slumped. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. _I thought for sure… she was into me too._

My sight got blurry all of the sudden. _Don’t. Not here, Clarke. Not for her._ I shut my eyes.

“Oh, thank god you came back!” I opened my eyes slowly and turned my head toward the voice. Raven hugged me. “You weren’t supposed to leave like that,” she whispered as she held me closer. I couldn’t speak. I was too stunned at what I just heard. Raven has _never_ apologized to me, not since…

It warmed my heart to hear her say it. It took my mind off the pain I was feeling. I hugged her back. Raven already pulled away from me. I saw her pleading eyes staring at me. I smiled to myself. “It’s okay Raven.” I told her, “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up too high and I was being naïve. You were right. “I shrugged.

She cleared her throat and said, “Of course I was, obviously.” Her tone was so matter-of-fact that I had to laugh. _That was quick._

“All right, moment over, princess.” She clapped her hands together. “First things first. Let’s get this hollow shell of a man a drink.” She took me and Jasper who, while Raven and I had our moment, was just staring into space. She led us to the many kegs around the apartment.

“What’s wrong with him?” I asked Raven as she dragged us to the center of the living room. _Did he really want to see me and Lexa together at the party that much?_ She didn’t answer but stopped when she found a keg where there was just one guy standing near it. She let us go and took away the cup the guy was holding and drank it. “Hey!” He turned around and I saw that it was actually Monty.

“Oh, Raven it’s you.” Raven reached for something in Monty’s jacket pocket then quickly put it in hers, eyeing the crowd. “Kept the wolves at bay just like you said.” He giggled. He looked to the ceiling and said, “Wolves…” before turning to me, with a big grin on his face. “Griffin!”

“So many animals…” He looked at the three of us and pointed at Raven, “Greedy Bird.”

“Hey!” Raven cried. I chuckled, she heard me and shot me a look. Monty pointed to Jasper, “Deer about to be hit by a car.” No reaction from Jasper.

Then finally at me, “Grumpy lion with eagle head thing.”

Raven spat her drink.

“Ugh, Raven! Gross!” I wiped my face with my sleeve.

She broke out laughing. I kept wiping my face while Monty started giggling again but Jasper was still staring into space. When she finally stopped, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and said, “Man, I love high Monty.”

“Haha, high monkeys...where?” Monty perked up and looked up at the ceiling. I shook my head. _Looks like someone finished their own Tupperware of brownies._

I turned to Jasper. His face was blank. Drops of spit and beer were on the side of his face. I snapped my fingers at him. “Hey Jasper, what’s wrong?” I stared at him but he didn’t respond. _He’s probably just high… but he’s usually happy when he is…_

“Here.” Raven handed Jasper a flask.

“I don’t think that’s best way to snap him out of… whatever this is. And also, where’d you get that?” I asked.

Raven smirked at me. “Oh trust me, this’ll make him snap out of it.” I rolled my eyes. It was what she took from Monty. _It’s probably the best booze in this whole party and of course she keeps it to herself._ “Drink up!” she yelled. Jasper looked at the flask. “Come on!” Raven urged. “Chug! Chug! Chug!” Monty stopped looking for monkeys and pumped his fist into the air and started cheering. Jasper took the flask from Raven and put it close to his face.

“Drink! It’ll make you forget about that brat Octavia and her stupid TA boyfriend!”

My head snapped to Raven then back to Jasper with his head back, raising the flask to his lips. “Whoooh!” Raven and Monty cheered. Jasper looked like he just swallowed fire.

“Wait…” I mumbled as I remembered the exact words Jasper said in the phone call, how he looked so devastated when I saw him when I arrived and the pain in his eyes when he said the word _boyfriend._

 “YEAH!” Jasper shouted. He snapped out of his trance. He took another drink then raised his arms and shouted. “Who needs her?  I don’t! Monty, come on! The night is young!” Raven grabbed the flask from his hands. Jasper grabbed his best friend who’s been cheering him on non-stop.

“Who needs girls!” Monty repeated as loud as he could then laughed. Jasper led him away to the dance floor and the two started dancing like crazy.

“That’s liquid courage for yah.” Raven laughed. “Idiots.” We watched the two thrash around the dance floor, shaking their heads and pumping their fists into the air to match the beat of the music. I shook my head and chuckled. I was too self-absorbed to even notice what was going on with Jasper.

“Your turn.” Raven handed me the flask. I reached for it but hesitated. “Thanks, but I’m good.” I gave her a weak smile. I watched Monty and Jasper again and smiled to myself. I wished I could just let go like that.

“You sure?” She asked, I glanced at Raven. She was looking at something by the door. I followed her gaze and froze when I saw who she was looking at.

 _Shit._ She’s here.

My eyes were fixated on her as she and her friends stepped through the doorway. She scoped the place out. Her eyes landed on me.

I looked away so fast I could've literally broken my neck. I turned my back away from her and stood still. I glanced at Raven, she was still looking at them and with a smirk on her face, she glanced to me. “I thought you wanted her to come. Now here she is and you’re freaking out?”

“Well that was before. I’m not ready!” I snapped at her. She just grinned at me.

"Raven. Don't. You. Dare." I gave her the deadliest look I could muster. She chuckled and looked back at Lexa's direction.  I didn't dare move my eyes any further in Lexa's direction. I grabbed Raven's arm and turned her around. “Tell me they didn’t see you.”

She looked at me and a smile spread across her face. "Too late."

My jaw slacked and my heart started beating so fast. _OH MY GOD_. 

She tried to swig a drink from the flask before I swiped it away. I braced myself and raised it to my mouth and drank. The liquid burned in my throat, and I closed my eyes as it burned my insides. I choked, but I didn’t stop until I had the last drop.

“Whoohooh!” Raven cheered. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and let out a breath of air. I felt like a pot full of boiling water as the contents of the flask settled in my stomach.

“Damn, princess. If I knew seeing her would make you thirsty like that, I should’ve told her the exact time the party was going to start in the first place.”

I turned my head slowly to her. “You did what?” I narrowed my eyes. She grinned at me and winked. _Did she just make me think that Lexa wasn’t coming when actually she just purposely made her late?_

“You diabolical son of a bitch.” I shook my head in disbelief. “Never doubt,” she said as she took the flask from my hand and slapped my shoulder. “Go get’em ti— lion with eagle head thing.” She burst out laughing and walked away.

_I am going to murder that girl._

I promised to myself but there were worse things to worry about right now. I started twitching, trying to look for a place to hide, to run away. _What happened to all that ‘the princess will get her dance shit’?_ I thought for a second. _Oh_ f _uck that, I need to get the hell out here!_ I looked in front of me. J _oin Monty and Jasper thrash around and shove random people? Nah._

I gazed towards the kitchen. _Make out central. Ugh, no. Bathrooms, Raven’s bedroom, broom closet? Definitely not._ If people were all over each other in the kitchen in plain sight, I doubt actual closed spaces would make a difference, _but maybe if I could kick them out…_

I felt a tap on my shoulder.  My body stiffened and my heart quickened its pace.

"Hi," she greeted with a big smile. Without a second thought, a huge smile spread across my face.  _Damn it!_ She freezes with a look then melts me with a smile.  _She must be a witch..._

“H-Hi…” I replied. When I didn’t say anything more she smiled at me and let out the cutest little laugh. “Are you okay?” she asked, “You look…”

 _Look..? Oh no. Raven._ My heart was racing even faster than before. I touched my face to check if Raven’s spit-take was still evident in my face. She chuckled again.

“Hey, relax.” She reached for my hands and said, “There’s nothing there. Your face looks perfect.”

I didn’t know which was going to give me a heart attack, that she said I looked perfect or that she was still holding my hands and didn’t let go even if I stopped wiping the imaginary spit on my face. My guess was both.

“T-Thanks…I.” I looked down at our hands. It felt so nice for her to touch my hands but she suddenly let them go. I looked up but she didn’t meet my eyes.

“Oh sorry,” she apologized. Her eyebrows were knotted together slightly.

“N-no…” Missing her touch already, I reached for her hands but she hid them behind her. “Lexa.”

Her eyes met mine again when she heard me speak her name. It lit up her face. I swallowed. I cleared my throat and steeled myself. “Do you uh… want a drink?” I asked. The beating of my heart was normal now. _Guess liquid courage does work after all._

“Sure,” she answered with that smile of hers. _That smile again._

I led her to the kitchen, which was oddly but thankfully rid of horny couples. There were two beers on the counter beside the sink. _Okay…?_ _No one just leaves cold unopened beer in a party full of alcohol thirsty college kids. Maybe they’re poisoned…?_ I looked around, looking for anyone that might’ve set these out and just left behind to go somewhere or something. _Maybe they were looking for a bottle opener?_ I kept searching but noticed instead something red behind Lexa who was looking around the kitchen. I saw a sleeve of a red jacket near the archway that separated the kitchen and living room. It was Raven, she was hiding half her face but pointing somewhere past me. I traced where she was pointing and found the bottle opener hanging on hooks next to some pans.

I grabbed the bottle opener and looked for Raven again. “Good luck,” she formed the words with her mouth and gave me a thumbs up then left. I smiled and Lexa noticed that I was smiling and turned to look but no one was there. She looked back at me. “Want some beer?” I asked before she could ask me why I was smiling at an empty archway.

“Umm… are you sure nobody owns them?” She asked and looked around just like I did.

“I-It’s fine,” I reassured her. I opened the bottles and handed her one. She shrugged and took it. “It is your party after all,” she said and I couldn’t help but chuckle at her remark. We took a sip at the same time. I drank just enough to moisten my throat and lips, not wanting to make my breath smell like beer. _You know… just in case._

I swallowed the beer and put down the bottle on the counter. The sound of the glass hitting the countertop was almost deafening. Not one of us spoke. She looked straight at me and just stared. _Oh now, don’t look at me like that!_

My potion of courage was wearing off, my heartbeat was starting to race again and I had to look away. The bass of the music was in beat with my heart and it felt like I was going to explode.

She broke the silence and said, “Great party. Thanks again for inviting us.”

“Y-yeah. But you know… I’ve thrown better.”  I shrugged like it was no big deal. She nodded and drank her beer. I gave myself a mental face-palm. _Nice try but try to sound less of a douche next time._

The silence came back and panic came over me and I started thinking of something else to say. _Say she looks hot with that top! What? No! She probably knows that already, obviously, I mean just look at her… I wonder where she bought it…_

“So that top looks nice,” I blurted out.

“So this party is alive and well,” she blurted out.

We spoke at the same time and now another moment of silence fell between us, confused which one of us will answer first.

“Thanks,” she accepted the compliment and smiled, making do the same. “So about this party…”

I stood up straight. “Yeah?”

Lexa observed the crowd in the living room. Most of the people were already drunk. “I thought we were early but it looks as if we’re not?”

I ran my hands through my hair. “Yeah about that, Raven must have told you the wrong time.”

“Huh…” She nodded at nothing in particular. “So you and her…” She looked right at me.

She looked serious all of a sudden which caught me off guard. I felt as if she was trying to read my reaction to the question. “Me and her?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

 “Sleepovers, that kind of stuff.” The way she said “stuff” and her smile made me think she was teasing me but her eyes said otherwise. Is it too much to think it’s a hint of jealousy?

The thought made me smile. She saw and nodded in understanding. She took another swig of her beer.

“Wait, I didn’t mean…” I started to say.

“Say, have you seen my friends around?” she asked, her expression unreadable. I bit my lip, trying to keep my disappointment to a minimum. “I’ll help you look for them.”

“Thanks,” she said as she put down her beer on the counter top. “Wait, Lexa…” I swallowed. “What?” She said frowning. _God she looks so pissed._

“Let me just clear the air first,” I rolled my eyes, “and then I’ll help you look for your friends.”

She nodded.

“Okay, it was Raven who threw this party. She just told you that I did because… I don’t know… to make my life a living hell, maybe? She does that sometimes and then next thing I know you guys were thanking _me_ for inviting you guys and I just couldn’t say anything because…”

“You were totally spacing out,” she continued. I wanted to shrink under her gaze. I didn’t think she’d notice since she looked as if she was engrossed with the conversation with Raven. But then again I didn’t even listen all the way through to be sure.

“Yeah, I do that too sometimes,” I said, embarrassed. “Anyway, what’s important is that Raven and I…”

Lexa leaned in closer.

“We’re not together. We’re just friends, I guess.”

There was a small smile on her face. “You’re not sure?” she teased. I laughed, pleased to see she wasn’t so serious anymore. “We have history but not that kind of history.”

She nodded slowly. “There was this guy…” I paused, trying to read her but all I got was that she waited for me to continue.

“…who is not important right now.” I gave her a tight smile.

“It’s okay, we can talk about this if you want.” She stepped closer, giving me a reassuring look.

“Do you really want me to talk about this though?” I smiled at her. She laughed and shook her head. “Honestly? I don’t care what we talk about. I’m just glad I got to see you again so soon.”

“Me too.”

She took yet another step closer, making our faces too close to each other now. My heart was beating so fast. She was just staring at me, a small smile on her lips. _Was she waiting for me to make a move? Or was she just good with our faces this close?_

After a moment I said, “I like you, Lexa.”

My heart started racing as soon as the words came out. I wanted to regret saying it out loud but I didn’t. I wanted her to know. She held my gaze. Again I couldn’t read her but I waited till she said something. Then she pursed her lips and looked away.

I chuckled. “Too soon?” Not even trying to mask the disappointment in my voice. _Fuck it,_ I thought as I chugged the beer and breathed a heavy sigh. She looked at me but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same for more than one second.

I walked over to the counter, putting my empty beer bottle next to hers. With my back to her I said, “Should we look for your friends?” I faced her, trying my best not to look like how I felt, like I just got rejected by the first person I’ve liked in a long while. Her green eyes shined under the kitchen light and I couldn’t help but focus on them. She was looking right at me but I got the feeling she was thinking of something else.

The next thing I knew her face was too close and I felt her soft lips on mine. I felt her hand on my waist as she kissed me harder. After a moment she pulled away, leaving me speechless.

“No, it wasn’t too soon.” She raised her hand to my face and stroked my cheek with her thumb. “I like you too, actually.”

We stared at each other, not saying anything, not moving, just suspended in time, letting what happened sink in. The words she said still rang in my head and all over I felt heat like no alcohol could ever make me feel, I was filled with something that enveloped me. It made me feel invincible. Brave.

We both smiled at each other and she leaned in for another kiss when I asked, “Do you want to dance?”

She looked surprised but nodded after a moment. I took her hand led her out of the kitchen to the crowd in the middle of the living room. We slipped through, I tightened my grip on her hand then I felt her slip her fingers in between mine and squeeze back.

I stopped and turned around to face her. She stopped in front of me, not letting go of my hand. She pursed her lips, not taking her eyes off me. _Jesus fucking Christ, this girl._

Someone hit her and she stumbled to her side. I grabbed her shoulders and caught her before she fell over. “Are you okay?” I asked. I looked for the idiot who pushed her and I saw in the distance a ponytail and a familiar red jacket.

“I’m fine,” she replied with a small smile. I glanced back at her and let my hands travel down to her arms. “Come here.” I pulled her closer.

We looked into each other’s eyes, with little smiles on our faces, we started giggling. We started dancing even though I didn’t know how to dance along with the music and every move I made felt awkward. She chuckled then rested her arms on my shoulder and moved my body along with hers.

She brought her lips to my ear and whispered something I couldn’t catch but her breath so close to my neck sent shivers through my body. I let her move me and just enjoyed her touch and the little distance between us. I felt the beat of the music and with Lexa’s help, for the first time in a long while, I let myself go and just danced to the music.

She jumped and threw her head around, letting her wavy hair free. She was pumping her fist in the air. Watching her move like that made me in awe of her even more. She made it look so easy, she made life so easy and happy. The way she moved her body, the way her hands ran through her hair, the way she looked back at me when she turned around and leaned against me, grinding her body against mine. Everything about her made me crazy, made me want to touch her and just hold her close to me and feel every curve.

_Easy Clarke… you’re **just** dancing, albeit very… **hot** dancing… you still need to keep your hands to yourself. DO NOT DO SOMETHING STUPID. I REPEAT DO NOT—_

All thoughts of behaving disappeared when she took my hands and led them to her hips. She swayed to the music and so did I. Her hair was in my face and her scent was intoxicating. _Oh god help me… also mental note, ask her what her shampoo is… later when she stops grinding on me._

_Oh forget the shampoo just please don’t stop._

I breathed in her scent and I lost control and gripped her hips and turned her around, making her face to close to mine. She reached around and wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands wanted desperately to travel further down her body. It took all of me not to, but I was fighting a losing battle. Our eyes didn’t break the stare. She smirked. She must’ve seen in my eyes what I wanted so much to do.

I just stared back, not wanting to ever look away for a second. She leaned in closer, I didn’t notice until know how loud my heart was beating. I always thought it was the thumping bass and all the jumping and _dancing_ we did. I didn’t move away. I looked at her lips and it looked so inviting. I looked up at her. There was a look in her eyes. It made my heart stop.

She leaned in closer and touched her lips with mine.

Her hands held my head in place, ruffling my hair. She pushed her lips deeper into the kiss, I clenched my hands, I pulled her hips so close it was just our clothes that was between us. She parted her lips a little, I followed her lead. She pulled away slightly and grazed her lips against mine. She tilted her head, rubbed our noses together and kissed me again, harder this time.  Then after a while, she pulled away slowly. I kept my eyes closed, trying to calm my heart down. I felt her leaning her forehead on mine.

She was out breath when she said, “Let’s get out of here.”


	7. Remember Me

Part 7: Remember Me ****

 

I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling. As my brain shook the cobwebs of sleep away and started working again, I realized I was staring at the ceiling back in my room and I felt the familiar softness of my mattress under me and I sighed.

_Now that was a good night’s sleep!_

I smiled and closed my eyes again as I stretched my limbs and tossed and turned in my bed. I rolled around and soaked in the scent of my sheets and blanket. I felt something soft beside me and I grabbed it. I squeezed the pillow and inhaled.

_Ahhh, the wonders of laundry detergent and—_

I giggled and I bit my lip, trying hard not to lose my sanity when I let my mind wander back to last night’s events and how I ended up in my bed in the first place. I shut my eyes to remember every single thing that happened. I squeezed tighter and inhaled the scent of the pillow again. My heart started racing and I thrashed around in my bed as all the memories came flooding back. I squealed into the pillow, then I heard a chuckle.

“Glad to see you’re awake.”

I stopped squirming in my bed and opened my eyes. I smiled to myself and rolled over.

She was sitting on the floor, her elbow on the mattress and her cheek resting on her palm. She was smiling at me. She reached over and took away the pillow I was squeezing for sanity’s sake. It was the only physical assurance I had that I was in fact in the real word and not in my head, just day dreaming all of this and last night and god forbid still in class somewhere… _oh my god I’m not still in Indra’s class am I??_

I felt a little embarrassed with her staring so intently at me in my naked glory. “Good morning, Angel,” she said. I raised my eyebrow at her. “Angel?”

“What?” She smiled, “You look so peaceful in your sleep you know? You hair makes you look like you’re shining too. So yeah, Angel.”  I laughed and so did she. I was so relieved to be laughing with her. _Yeah, this is real._

“How long have you been sitting there?” I asked.

“Um…long enough.” She smirked. I noticed her eyes travel down the length of me. Now that the pillow was gone, she could see me, all of me and I felt a little shy from her stare. “Oh look, a mole. Funny how I didn’t see that one last night with all the time I spent down there…” She was looking somewhere near my thighs, I reached for the blanket draped by my feet to cover myself up but she grabbed my arm.

“Don’t,” she said, smirking and I felt heat rise up to my cheeks.

I laid on my back and covered my face with my hands to avoid seeing those green eyes of hers roam all over my body then I heard her laugh. I felt the bed dip by my thighs and her weight on me. “Why are you embarrassed?” She asked as she took my hands away from my face. We looked at each other then she leaned so close to my ear, her lips barely touched the skin but still it sent electricity throughout my body. “Last night was amazing.”

It really was, it was phenomenal, mind-blowing, insert synonyms here, yes, but the lights were off and we were in a hurry, not to mention I was a little drunk and I kind of left my shame back at the party. But this morning was different, now there was no darkness to hide from and we could see every inch of each other, and no hurry to keep us from taking it all in.

“I hoped you enjoyed yourself,” I sensed the smile in her voice as she said, even closer to my ear than I could take. I could feel her breath against my neck and I had to bite my lip and close my eyes to stop myself from moaning. She chuckled again.

My heart was pounding as she kissed my neck. Her finger traced my lips and slid down to my neck. I twitched and I heard her chuckle again at my reaction. She continued kissing as she put a hand on my breast. Her breathing against my neck was heavier now. Her hand slowly continued further down and I clenched my hands and held on to the sheets as her hand continued down its path.

From my neck she planted kisses on my jaw then my cheek then finally on my lips. I thought she’d go where I wanted her to go but her hands instead went to my thighs. I let out a moan. _Dammit, no!! But dammit, yes! But—!_

“Lexa…” I breathed and I couldn’t help but open my eyes. Our faces so close to each other. Her hand was still on my thigh, still teasing me.

“Good morning, Angel,” Lexa said again, slower this time. A smile spread across her face as she traced circles on my stomach.

“Good morning Charlie,” I said. I grinned at her and she laughed. She leaned down and kissed me. I smiled into the kiss and rested my hand on the small of her back. I stroked my hand along her smooth skin, careful not to scratch her when she started grinding her hips against mine. Hers hand went up to my cheeks, caressing them as she kissed me harder. My head was spinning, my heart was racing and I just stopped thinking and caring what the light of day exposed. How different her body was to mine, more perfect than mine could ever be.  One of her hands went to my hips, then down to my thighs. I let out a moan and louder for her to hear, to encourage. She pulled away a little, I opened my eyes and saw her looking at me. I stared at her green eyes staring into mine and the corner of her lips, arching up into a small smile.

I smiled back and ran my hand through her hair. Here I was, completely defenseless before her, unable to hold anything back from the way she was touching me. She has made it hard for me to hide anything from her since we met and frankly I was tired of doing so. Last night was a leap, we confessed our feelings for each other and let go and danced to the music and now with her in my bed, in our own little world, I promised myself that from now on, I was never going to hide from her ever again.

She broke the stare and kissed me again, softly pressing her lips against mine. I kissed her back and parted my lips, and so did she. Her tongue touched my lips and I let my tongue find hers in return. She kissed me deeper and pushed her hips against me, I moaned into the kiss and grabbed her head, clutching her hair, and kissed her hard.

Gasping for air, we broke the kiss and looked into each other’s eyes. I steadied my hand on the bed and used the other to flip her. I brushed my blonde hair away as I looked at her, looking up at me with a sly grin on her face.

I ran my hand along her neck to her chest, feeling the sweat on her skin. I touched my lips to her neck then down to her collarbone, then to her chest just above her breasts and paused. I looked up at her, raised my lips off her skin slightly and said, “You hardly let me last night.”

She smiled and bit her lip. I started kissing her again, inching my way down. Her body twitched, as I made my way down. I stopped just above her navel and reached up to touch her soft breast, I felt her body arch up and I heard her moan and I continued kissing down the length of her body. 

* * *

“Clarke!!”

I raised myself up and crawled on top of her. I looked down, her chest heaving up and down, her head back, hair messy underneath. I wiped away the sweat gathering on her forehead then kissed it. She was gasping for air and I lay down beside her, trying to catch my breath. I smiled and licked my lips. I could still taste her and my body felt hot all over again. I looked beside me, the back of her hand was resting on her face, covering her eyes. Her breathing was still a bit labored. _Poor girl, I doubt she could go for another round. Next time Clarke… next time._

My heart skipped a beat, thinking of the next time and I wished so much we could do it again but, _let’s face it Clarke, even you couldn’t go again… but she doesn’t need to know that._

I turned my body to face hers, propping my elbows on the pillow and resting my temple on my fist for support. I bit my lip, as I admired her gorgeous body before me. _Damn._ I reached for her flat stomach and traced circles. _She works out obviously, I mean compared to her, I’m just flab really._ I looked down and compared my body with hers, she was certainly leaner but she was taller so, that was totally understandable. Still, I couldn’t help but make a mental note to start working out if I was going to be naked in front of Lexa a lot from now on… _but then again, wasn’t last night and the past couple of hours exercise enough?_

I chuckled to myself and just reveled in the moment until Lexa took my hand that was on her stomach and said, “I think I need breakfast first.” She looked up at me, a little smile on her face. A certain pride came over me and I didn’t tell her I was as beat as she was, I clenched my jaw and held back a grin, instead I gave her a “disappointed” yet understanding smile and nodded.

“Okay,” I said as I sat up. She pursed her lips and gave me a kiss on the cheek then climbed out of bed. She bent over to the floor and picked up her underwear. She started putting on the clothes I carefully took off of her last night. I already started missing her naked body that I gladly worshipped last night. She went about the room, picking up the mess we made on the floor, her clothes and mine thrown all over the room. With her back to me, I couldn’t stop grinning like an idiot. I balled my fists and started pumping them into the air.

  _Yeeeeah! That’s right world, Clarke fucking Griffin knows how to fu—_

“Clarke, what are you doing?” She was laughing at me as she tied her hair up into a top bun. She was now wearing my sweatshirt that I had hung behind the door.

I took a moment to appreciate her in that pose. With her arms up tying her hair, my sweatshirt raised up to show her to-die-for stomach and her bikini underwear. She looked absolutely hot wearing my sweatshirt, even more than I could. I tried to explain why I was pumping my fist in the air but I was just too amazed to see her like this, all I could do was smile.

She finished tying her hair and lowered her arms, hiding her belly and sexy underwear under my sweatshirt. _Curses!!_

She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows at me. _God, help._ She sat back on the bed next to me. I didn’t speak, I just looked at her with a smile on my face while she laughed and planted a small kiss on my lips. I stared at her then at my sweatshirt on her. She followed where I was looking then back to me. “What’s wrong? I hope you don’t mind me wearing your clothes.”

_Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong. I just love you that’s all._

The words that crossed my mind took me aback. She must’ve noticed my expression change when she caressed my cheek. A slight crease between her brows.

“Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong. I just really need breakfast too.” I smiled, “I’m beat.”

She grinned and reached behind me and covered me with the blanket. I just noticed that there was not a stitch of clothing on me while she was fully— well—half-clothed. She wrapped me tight and laughed. She touched her forehead to mine and said to me. ”Don’t want you to get a cold.”

I squirmed to move my arms but they were stuck to my sides by the blanket around me, I settled to just moving my hands and laying them on her legs. With her lips just inches from mine, I only had to move my face slightly to close the distance between us. I parted from her lips and said, “You look hot in my sweatshirt by the way.”

She laughed. “I know.” Then she kissed me again.

* * *

“See you after class?” I said as I handed her, her coffee. She took it and smiled at me. One corner of her lips curling up, emphasizing her rosy cheek. Her signature smile never failed to do things to me and I couldn’t hold back a grin.

She leaned in close slowly and kissed me. I closed my eyes and felt my heart race and my knees go weak. I opened my eyes slowly when she broke the kiss.

“Yeah, see you soon.” She smiled and turned around, her glorious wavy hair swishing after her.

She went inside her class, leaving me out in the hall, with my jaw slacked.

_Oh man… she’s, she’s just—_

When I turned to go to my own class, I felt something hard hit my shoulder, making me drop the bag that had my breakfast. I snapped out of my trance.

I stared at the floor, at the brown paper bag and beside it one bagel out on the floor. “My bagels!!” _Oh no! Now one of them is ruined! Has it been five seconds yet??_ In an instant, feelings of love and rainbows were replaced with boiling frustration.   _It’s been five seconds!! NOOO!_ My head jerked to my right facing the person, no, the idiot who hit me.

I opened my mouth to unleash hell when my brain stopped functioning for a moment, when I recognized who I saw before me.

The familiar long dark hair, square face and soft brown eyes made my heart thump in my chest, my stomach churned. The hair on the back of my neck rose and my palms started sweating.

“Clarke, hey,” He said slowly. I flinched. I haven’t heard him say my name in a while. I haven’t spoken his in a long time either. I couldn’t bring myself to.

I closed my mouth shut and didn’t speak. He looked from me to the floor. I watched him reach down and grab the bag, leaving the spoiled bagel on the floor. I looked away before his eyes could meet mine.

“Sorry about the, uh, other one…I didn’t mean to hit you… here,” He handed the brown bag to me. Not tearing my eyes away from the floor, I grabbed my breakfast away from his hands and pushed past him. He stumbled back but he caught my arm and turned me around.

His eyes locked into mine and he held my gaze. I couldn’t look away from him. His eyebrows were furrowed and he had a frown on his face. I jerked my arm away from his grip. I glared at him. I took deep breaths to calm myself down and keep the tears away.

He sighed and said, “Can we talk?” I didn’t answer, just kept staring at him. He slipped his hands in his pockets and spoke again.

“You’re here…I haven’t seen you around for a while, since I got back.” His eyebrows knitted together. I tore my eyes away from him for a second then turned back to him, I shrugged. “It’s a big campus. I didn’t even know you _came_ back.”

He frowned and bowed his head down, ran his hand through his hair then raised his head and looked back at me. His shoulders slumped, those shoulders that I used to wrap my arms around. He looked weak like this, unlike the guy I thought I knew so well.

I shook my head to chase the thoughts away and rolled my eyes and sighed. I was starting to get annoyed. I wanted to get the hell away from here, from him.

“Clarke… I,” He hesitated.

“What?” I snapped.

He sighed. “Come on Clarke, I said I was sorry. I really am. What happened, back then, it was a mistake. Please, just… talk to me.” He begged, his voice hitched and I saw his eyes brim with tears.

He reached out his hand to me but I help up my hand, he drew his own back. I looked straight at him. So ready to punch his stupid face but I stopped myself.

“I’m sorry, Clarke… please...” He said again.

“I’m not the one you should apologize to.” I said. As soon as I said it, my eyes started to tear up as something I’ve been trying so hard to forget came back to plague my thoughts again. I clenched my jaw and turned away.

“But—“ he started to say but I interrupted him.

“Don’t.” I turned around.  He called after me but I didn’t look back, I kept walking and left him behind me, where I wanted him and everything he reminded me of.

* * *

“Clarke…Claaaarke…Clarke!”

I jerked in my seat and turned to see Monty.

“What?” I asked.

“Uh… unless you wanna start tasting ink, you should stop chewing on that.” He pointed at me and I noticed that I was gnawing on my pen. I stared at the visible teeth marks on the end then put it down on the table.

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling.

“What’s the matter Clarke? Trouble in paradise already?” Monty asked.

The thought of Lexa made me smile a little but it quickly disappeared when I thought about what was really troubling me.  It’s been days over a week since I bumped into him. I haven’t seen him since. _Good._

 “Everything’s fine.” I say after a moment. I gave my friend a thin smile.

“You sure?” Monty asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Really,” I replied.

He shrugged and smiled then looked back at his laptop. “Well, I sure hope so, you two have been all over each other since the party… or so I’ve heard.” He chuckled.

I smirked. “Oh yeah, what have you heard?”

“Mmm…some noise complaints from the people living next door to you in Arker Hall and Lexa in Washington Hall.”  He smirked at me and I felt heat rising to my cheeks. “Wha-what complaints? F-from who??” I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me.

He shrugged. “You know how people talk…here and there.” He leaned in close, cupping one side of his mouth saying, “You guys aren’t exactly quiet, especially that night after the party…or so I’ve heard.” He winked.

I froze. I started sweating and my heart started racing at the thought of people hearing me and Lexa…

“What people??” I shook him again, harder this time. He laughed, raising his finger, he said, “Well there’s Echo, she lives in Washington Hall, a few doors down Lexa’s room.”

“A few doors down??” I shouted at him.

He raised another one and held back a laugh. “And then there’s Octavia, she lives a floor down from you right?”

My mouth fell open and my hands dropped from his shoulders. _Oh my god…OH MY GOD!!_

I covered my mouth with my hands and turned away from Monty and the huge grin on his face. My eyes were wide open as I remembered every word we shouted when we were…together.

_Oh no, no, no no no nononononononononooooooooooooooooooo!_

I slumped in my seat, covering my face with my hands. _God why?_ I felt a hand on my shoulder and I peeked out from my hands. I looked up to see a body towering over me.

“You okay, Griffin?” I recognized the deep, raspy voice and sat up straight.

“You didn’t forget to make the project did you?” Mr. Blake asked, he crossed his arms across his chest, his shirt tightening and showing his ridiculous muscles. My eyes fixed on his chest. _Impressive how a college professor could find the time to get ripped like that… hmm then again it must be in the genes, I mean have you seen his freshman little sister? That girl is just…_

I heard someone clear their throat and thoughts of my professor’s sister disappeared in a puff of smoke. I flinched and saw Mr. Blake staring at me. _Does he know I was thinking about his sister? It was purely innocent admiration!_ He raised his eyebrows.

“Uh…” I glanced at Monty, he was staring right at his laptop then he stole a glance at me for a moment, widening his eyes at me.

I looked in front of me and started flipping through my binder. I took out a folded paper and handed it to Mr. Blake. He took it and stared at it for a minute, stealing glances at me and Monty once in a while.

He put down the paper and asked, “Where’s Jordan?” He eyed the two of us. I looked at Monty and raised my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, he’s out sick today Professor Blake. He uh…he’s in bed with the flu.” Monty smiled up at him.

I looked at Mr. Blake, he nodded and said, “With the flu, huh?” He chuckled. “Well, just make sure he’s here when you make the final presentation.”

He took the paper with him and turned around, walking back to the front of the room. Monty and I sighed and looked at each other.

“Is he okay?”

“Do you know where he is?”

We spoke at the same time. He started to say something but I held up my hand and said, “Wait, you don’t know where he is?”

He closed his mouth and rubbed his chin.

“Well?” I asked.

“Let’s just say the last I ever saw of any of you saw was at the party. Even Raven seemed to stop popping out of nowhere.” He replied with a frown on his face. He was right, I really haven’t seen them for the past few days now. My chest felt tight, I couldn’t believe I’ve forgotten about my friends just like that.

My eyes fell to the ground, unable to look Monty in the eyes. After everything they did, helping me get together with Lexa. There I was living in nirvana with Lexa acting like nothing else in the world mattered.

Monty patted me on the shoulder. I looked up at him and he smiled. “Don’t worry, Clarke. I’ll find him.” He reassured me.

I noticed everyone starting to stand up and leave the room. I looked around and caught Mr. Blake staring in our direction. He waved at us the paper I gave him and stuffed it into one of his folders. I gulped. He gathered his things and left the room. I turned to Monty and took a deep breath.

“Listen to me Monty,” I said each word slowly to keep my voice steady. “We _need_ to finish this paper, okay? For all our sakes. Jasper sent me a text that he’ll finish up his part of the paper _this_ week… that _last_ week.”

“I didn’t bust my ass and practically didn’t eat or sleep for days just for nothing, and neither did you guys. So here’s what’s going to happen, you are going to go to his room and look for him, ask his roommate and his other friends if they’ve seen him around.” He nodded.

“Then I am going to your usual hangouts and look for him and who knows maybe Raven will finally show up and I’ll ask _her_ where she’s been and maybe she can help us find Jasper.” I continued laying out the plan.

We nodded at each other and started gathering our stuff. As we walked out of the room, I stopped in my tracks, Monty noticed so he stopped and turned around. I took a deep sigh and said, “And Monty…I’m sorry. I know, I’ve been _busy_ for the past week because of… well, you know and I’m sorry about that and what happened with Octavia at the party, I really should’ve been there for him…” I paused. “But I’m glad you and Raven were though.” I chuckled, remembering how he and Raven cheered Jasper up. He laughed and patted my shoulders.

“Thank the booze.” He smiled

“And the brownies,” I added. We smiled at each other and left the room.

We walked together in the hall, discussing reasons why Jasper would just suddenly go AWOL and not let even Monty know. We reached the open space of the quad. I suddenly remembered the last time this happened.

“No way! I was with him at the party all night and there was no girl,” Monty protested.

I raised my eyebrow at him. “You were also seeing animals on the ceiling. I don’t think your senses were very reliable that night Monty and come on, think about it, the signs are there. Disappearing, not telling you where he is and what he’s doing. You guys are practically joined at the hip and the last time he cut himself off was—“

“Spring break,” Monty interrupted me. He stopped walking and so did I.

“Yeah…” I frowned and clenched my jaw.

Monty looked right at me, eyes wide open. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for him to say something.

“I know where he is...I think.” He bolted, bumping into people as he ran through the quad.

“Monty, wait!!” I chased after him, holding my arms out to avoid the people in my way. When I lost sight of him, I stopped and looked around. He was gone.

“What the hell…” I kept looking but I saw no sign of him. I gave up and sighed. _Relax, Clarke. If someone knows how to find Jasper, it’s Monty._ I decided to let him go and headed for Lexa’s classroom.

* * *

_“I’m outside.”_

I texted Lexa. I looked up from my phone and glanced around. There was no one. I approached the doors of the room and peered inside through the glass windows. There was only one person inside, by the teacher’s desk. It was Ms. Indra. She started walking toward the door and I pulled myself from the window as quickly as I could. I looked from side to side for a place to hide. There was a column to the far side and I ran towards it. I put my back against the column. I heard the door open then close. I waited for a few seconds, glanced to the side, when I saw no one I let out a sigh.

_That was close…_ I skipped her class yesterday to have _lunch_ with Lexa and that project was due next week. I haven’t even gotten around to writing a single line. I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back against the column. Then, I heard a faint laugh. It sounded familiar so I went to the direction where I thought it came from.

A few feet away, behind the building where Lexa’s room was, were some picnic tables. There were people sitting and talking, some with books and notebooks spread on the table, and others eating.

I heard the laugh again and my head snapped to the direction it came from.

I was right, it was Lexa. She was talking to someone across from her in the table, she was facing towards me but hasn’t noticed me yet. She was smiling and giggling. My heart started racing. I smiled and headed for her table. When I noticed the person she was talking to, I stopped in my tracks. I froze. _Fuck._ I thought the last place I wanted him was within a mile radius of me and now seeing this before me, something else just replaced that.

I wanted to run away but somehow my feet felt like they were stuck to the ground and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the person in front of Lexa.

“There she is!”

I stopped staring at the back of his head and looked at Lexa. She was grinning at me. She looked at the person and said, “She’s the one I was talking to you about.” Then she turned to me.

The person in front of her turned around. I clenched my jaw. His mouth fell open and his eyes widened. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes welled up with tears.

“Clarke, this is Finn, my old project partner.” Lexa motioned to him. I straightened myself and stared right back at him. “And Finn, this is Clarke,” Lexa continued.

“Finn.” I clenched my fists when I finally said it. His lips trembled when he said,

“Hey, princess.”


	8. Remember Me 2

Clexa College AU (part 8:  Remember Me 2)

 

“You two…know each other?”

My heart was beating so loud I could barely hear Lexa’s words. I opened my mouth to answer her question but I choked on my words. I closed my mouth shut and swallowed. I looked away from Finn. Looking at him any second longer was threatening the tears to come out.

No one spoke. I couldn’t think of anything to say, I closed my eyes and sighed. I opened my eyes and turned back to them. Lexa was blinking at me then at Finn who was now turned away from me. I looked at him for a second, stray hair had fallen down the side of his face.  He didn’t speak. I sighed again and clenched my jaw.

“We did.” I said, “…a long time ago.”

Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, she blinked at me then her eyes went to Finn. She pursed her lips and moved her head in a way that I thought was a nod. She didn’t speak and I felt a pain in my chest. I didn’t want her to find out like this. I didn’t want her to find out at all actually. I wished I could just leave this behind me. But the past always has a way of catching up.

“I see,” she said with a small smile on her face, looking at nothing in particular.

When I couldn’t take the silence that fell between the three of us, I stepped forward and started to say something but stopped when Lexa turned and got up from the bench, taking her bag with her.

My heart started beating fast again as she started towards me. I looked at her, searching her face for anything that might tell me what she felt about what she just found out. Her hand reached for mine and the other cupped my face. Relief washed over me as she tilted her head and smiled. She needed no further explanation. Maybe she understood that things between Finn and I weren’t good or at least not settled yet. Though I knew there was a talk coming up soon.

She turned back to the picnic table and so did I. “I guess that’s saves me further introduction,” she said to Finn. He looked at us. “Yeah,” he said. His eyes looked down at our hands. He turned away again but not before I could see a tear trickle down his cheeks.

He took his bag and got up. “I should go.” He faced us and gave us a thin smile. “Nice seeing you again prin– Clarke.”

I just stared at him.  He stared back and waited for me to say the same out of courtesy but I didn’t want to lie, not in front of Lexa. When I didn’t speak, he nodded then looked at Lexa, giving her a smile and she smiled back. It was a little smile but it made me feel sorry – almost sorry for Finn at that moment. Lexa’s smile was out of pity.

* * *

 

I looked at my phone to check the time. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I leaned back in my chair and stared at the ceiling again. Somehow looking at the faded paint of the empty ceiling made me relax and start thinking about anything else than the homework I had on my desk. It had been hours since that awkward moment. Lexa insisted on walking me to my doorstep, holding my hand the whole way. I smiled and remembered how we kept bumping into each other because she walked so close to me. It was hard fishing for my keys in my bag and putting it in the keyhole with one hand though, and she seemed to enjoy my struggle as she couldn’t stop giggling. When I managed to open the door, I stepped in but she held me back.

I turned around and saw her looking intently at me. I tugged her hand but she remained in place. I noticed that the smile on her face the whole way was now gone. She let go of my hand then kissed my cheek before turning to leave.

I got up and walked over to my bed and flopped on it. All the time she spent on my bed made her scent linger on the sheets. I regretted not dragging her inside my room hours ago. I wanted to think that she was wrong but she wasn’t. I needed to be alone for now.

I turned to look at the ceiling, the fading light of the sun painted hues of red, violet, and orange over the boring white. It was nice, it didn’t look so empty anymore. My hands twitched. _It’s been awhile._ I sat up and looked outside at the setting sun. The sky was just a dark purple color now. I walked back over to my desk, opened the drawer and took out a drawing book. I flipped through the pages and saw my old work. I smiled down at them, they looked so familiar but at the same time so strange. I wasn’t the same person who drew these anymore, not exactly. I wondered what the different me could do. I reached a blank page and grabbed a pencil.

* * *

 

“No.”

“But why?!” I whined and held up my hands but retracted them when I almost hit a coed in the head. “Please Mr. Blake, can’t you just deduct points for now?” I said to his back, trying to keep up with him while avoiding oncoming students in the hallway.

He stopped walking and turned around. I stopped too. Thank God, I didn’t want to stare at his back muscles anymore, they were just begging to rip through his shirt. _Does this guy own anything his size? I mean seriously, does he not count his ripped muscles when he chooses clothing? And look at those pants! I can see every bulge—_

Mr. Blake cleared his throat. Our eyes met, he held my stare and raised his eyebrows, I looked away. _Oh my god, he can’t tell I was checking him out – I mean admiring his impressive physique and doubting his clothing size choices, can he?_ I glanced back at him, he crossed his arms. I felt sorry for the stretched cloth. His chest muscles showed through again. They just want to be free.

“Since when did the meaning of ‘no’ turn into a ‘maybe, if you could present a logical argument’?” He looked at me. “Incomplete group members means no presentation.” Mr. Blake’s voice was extra deep today.

All I could do was sigh and slump my shoulders. “Sorry I bothered you Mr. Blake.” I turned around and started to walk away.

“Griffin.”

I stopped in my tracks and turned to look at him.

“You still have the rest of the week until you’re scheduled to present. Unless your groupmates left the country, there’s still time for you to find them.” He paused.  “They didn’t, did they?” He frowned.

“I don’t think so…” At this point, those two could be anywhere, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He shook his head. “Three days. Good luck.” He said. He gave me a small smile and went on his way. I turned in the opposite direction and started walking again, heading for the cafeteria.

Raven wasn’t there, not even in the storage room. I left the campus and went to the diner. When I got there, I looked around but she wasn’t there either. _That’s weird, now that I think of it, I haven’t seen her anywhere_. Then I remembered what Monty said the last time I saw him. I sat at the counter and ordered a milkshake and a plate of fries before I went to Raven’s apartment.

* * *

 

I buzzed the button beside her nameplate. No answer. I buzzed again. Still nothing. I kept buzzing.

_“What?”_ A faint, groggy voice spoke through the intercom. “I didn’t order anything so just go away.”

“It’s me, Raven.” She didn’t respond for a moment.

“Go away Clarke,” she said, “I don’t ha—“

“I saw him,” I interrupted. “I know he’s back and I know you do too.”

There was silence.

“Raven, we should talk. Please, can I come up? I come bearing gifts.” I flinched. I hoped the desperation in my voice was clear enough. I waited for an answer then I heard a chuckle through the intercom. I smiled as I heard a long buzz. I opened the glass doors and went up to her apartment.

I reached her floor and walked down the hallway leading to her door. I paused and looked down at the welcome mat. I took a deep breath and went over the words I’ve been practicing while I was waiting for my order back at the diner. I knocked on the door and heard footsteps a few seconds later. The door swung open and it revealed a pajama-clad Raven.

I leaned back. Her hair was down, it was messy and tangled. It hung along the sides of her face and down past her shoulders.

“Come in.” She stepped aside and it took me a second to move and enter Raven’s apartment. I looked around, the living room furniture was put back to its original place at the center of the room. It wasn’t the bar scene we had made it to look like for the party. It looked like someone was actually living here, and apparently that someone has not been cleaning up.

“Sorry for the mess,” Raven apologized and started picking up paper boxes of take-out food and pizza lying around the coffee table near the sofa.

“No, leave it, Raven. It’s fine,” I said. She turned back to me. I gave her a smile and she returned it with a weak one. Her eyes were red and swollen. I looked away before she noticed me staring.

I started eyeing the sink full of dirty dishes and pans and felt my eye twitch when I heard her say, “Sit.” My head jerked to face her. She raised her eyebrows at me.

I gave her a tight smile and walked towards the sofa where she was sitting. The spring of the sofa creaked as I sat down. I looked at her and she looked at me. I had the speech down just minutes ago and now, I just couldn’t say a word.

“I’m sick, okay?” Raven sniffed.

“Really?” I raised one eyebrow at her. “You look like shit but it’s not from a flu.”

She looked away. I bit my lip. After a moment, I reached for her hands and squeezed them tight. She didn’t look at me, but I saw her smile at our hands. I felt a tear drop on the back of my hand.

“Ra—”

She squeezed back and I didn’t say anything more.

* * *

 

“My god is this the most overly dramatic movie, or what?” Raven scoffed and blew her nose into a tissue. We watched as the old wreckage of the once great ship transformed back into its old glory. The camera navigated through the ship and stopped at the staircase, and then the people smiling as if they didn’t die horrible deaths just minutes before were shown for feels’ sake. Their smiles and the movie’s dramatic music escalated, totally not making Raven and me tear up or anything. As the camera panned from one least significant character to the other, it showed them looking up at the top of the staircase and then appeared the hero who had also died in the icy depths of the ocean. The camera panned out to show the heroine, joining at long last the hero for one final kiss. The end. Roll credits.

“Yeah…” I sniffed, “This is so,” I sniffed again, “… overly dramatic.” I could barely speak as the tears flowed and so did something else from my nose. Raven blew her nose again. She threw the tissue on the floor and it disappeared into the darkness below.

Raven handed me the box of tissues and I wiped my eyes and nose. I looked at the silhouette of her face, one side just barely illuminated by the light of her laptop screen. Even though she looked like a mess, still trying to deny tears from the end of the movie and belting out the ending song, she actually looked a lot better from the girl who opened her door to me just hours ago.

I joined her in the chorus, we shouted together at the top of our lungs.

Then we heard a buzz.

She stopped singing and sniffed again. “Ugh, who is it?” Raven got up from the couch as I took the laptop off the coffee table, put it on my lap and looked for another movie to watch. I heard a click and I flinched as the living room was flooded with light. Raven pushed the button on the intercom.

“Go away, we didn’t order any pizza,” she smirked at me and I chuckled.

I couldn’t hear what the person on the other end said but whatever it was, it wiped the smirk off Raven’s face.


End file.
